Flora Cantábrica

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Teresa of Calcutta

THE BIG CALL

In September 1946, Mother Teresa was 36 years old and she had to go to the Darjeeling convent, nestled at the foot of the Himalayas, some 650 kilometers from Calcutta to do her annual spiritual exercises. During her train ride, she had a mystical encounter with Christ. It was what she called the call within the call. She said: It was a call within my vocation. It was a second call. It was a vocation to leave even Loreto, where she was very happy, to go to the streets to serve the poorest of the poor. It was on that train that I heard the call to leave everything and follow Him in the most miserable neighborhoods. I knew it was his will and that I had to follow him. There was no doubt that it was going to be his work

That day, September 10, she began to receive a series of inner locutions, which continued until the middle of the following year. She heard the voice of Jesus and conversed with Him. He tenderly called her my wife, my little one and she said to him: My Jesus, my Jesus. That day would be remembered as the day of the beginning of the Congregation and as the day of inspiration.

Upon her return to Calcutta she told her spiritual director, Jesuit Father Celeste Van Exem, what had happened to him on the train and during her retreat. The first thing Father Van Exem recommended was that she stop thinking about inspiration. In a letter to her Superior General he would later tell her: Father Van Exem put me off, although he saw that it was from God, and forbade me even to think about it. Often, very often, during the four months (September 1946 to January 1947) I asked him to let me speak to his Excellency (the Archbishop of Calcutta) and he always refused 50.

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Finally, in January 1947, Father Van Exem gave her permission to write to Archbishop Monsignor Périer, asking for permission to begin her new life. To this end he wrote a letter on January 13 in which he said: Since last September, strange thoughts and wishes have filled my heart. They became louder and clearer during the eight days of retreat in Darjeeling.

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These thoughts were the cause of much suffering, but the voice kept saying: Will you refuse? One day, during Holy Communion, I heard the same voice very clearly: I want Indian nuns, victims of my love, who would be Mary and Martha, who would be so united to Me as to radiate my love on souls. I want free religious, clothed with my poverty of the Cross. I want obedient religious, clothed with my obedience to the Cross. I want religious full of love, clothed with the charity of the Cross. Will you refuse to do this for Me? You have become my wife out of love for Me, you have come to India for Me. Your thirst for souls brought you so far. Are you afraid to take a new step for your husband? For Me and for souls? Has your generosity grown cold? Am I secondary to you? You didn’t die for souls, so you don’t care what happens to them. Your heart was never drowned in pain like my Mother’s was. We both gave ourselves totally for souls. And you?

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You are afraid of losing your vocation, of becoming secular, of lacking perseverance. No, your vocation is to love and suffer and save souls and, by taking this step, you will fulfill my Heart’s desire for you. That is your calling. You will dress in simple Indian clothes or rather as my Mother dressed, simple and poor. Your current habit is holy, because it is my symbol. Your sari will become holy, because it will be my symbol.

I tried to persuade Our Lord that I would try to become a very fervent and holy religious of Loreto, a true victim here in this vocation, but the answer came very clear again. I want Indian Missionaries of Charity sisters, who will be my fire of love among the poorest, the sick, the dying, the little street children. I want you to bring me the poor. The sisters will offer their lives as victims of my love. They will bring these souls to Me. I know that you are the most incapable, weak and sinful person, but precisely because you are, I want to use you for my Glory! Will you refuse? These words, or rather this voice, frightened me. The thought of eating, sleeping, living like the Indians filled me with fear. I prayed a long time, I prayed a lot. I begged Our Mother Mary to ask Jesus to take all this away from me. The more I prayed, the more clearly the voice grew in my heart and so I prayed that He would do with me whatever He wanted. He asked over and over again.

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Then, once again, the voice was very clear: You have always said «do with me whatever you want.» Now I want to act, let me do it, my little wife, my little girl. Do not be afraid, I will always be with you. You will suffer and suffer now, but if you are my little wife, the wife of Jesus crucified, you will have to bear these torments in your heart. Let me act. Don’t reject me. Trust Me lovingly, trust Me blindly. Little girl, give me souls, give me the souls of the poor little street children. How it hurts, if you only knew, to see these poor kids stained 32